I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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