if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
