her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
