My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
COCAINE IS GR8
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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