I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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