If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
