lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
