I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
