i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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