Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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