Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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