The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
