Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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