if you like me you must not know who I am
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You took a bar mat shot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
