Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
