i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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