I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
