It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
