just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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