dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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