A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize