so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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