After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
