it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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