I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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