Don't you send me to vm
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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