About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
