Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
