my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
