I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
