Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
