He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
