I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
