Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
