Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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