So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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