He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it because I queefed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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