i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
