pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
