just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
