If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
