I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
