I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your dad touched me again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
