i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
