I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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