Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
