im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
