i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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