my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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