she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
