she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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