So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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