I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
