if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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