her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
