My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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