the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no you cant smoke seaweed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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