after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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