He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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