well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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