You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
