Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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