But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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