god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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