i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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