Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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