no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize