I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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