they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
