last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
